Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Let's chat {about wedding ceremony nerves}


It's a gorgeous, sunny afternoon in August.  I am looking beautiful in a cute white gown, some yellow flowers in my hair, some great gal pals crying and being mushy.  Getting ready to meet my grandfather and step out into the yard on the beach where everyone is waiting.  It's a breathtaking view, and I can see Jared at the end of the aisle waiting.

AND THEN: I start to walk, and the music effs up.  Or it's the wrong song.  Then I trip on my heels and break my ankle.  Then I get to my fiance and we both cry so hard that make up flows all over my face.  I try to tell him just how gaga I am for him while 100 people stare at me, but a giant snat bubble blows out of my nose, and when I laugh snat flings out onto my vow cards.  Then I'm going to get red and stumble my words, and Jared will never get the heart pour he was hoping for.


When I first got engaged, I wanted so badly for Jared and I to just get married alone on the beach, with nobody else watching.  Not only is that not possible, but our family and friends would shoot us.  Seriously, or hang us.  We decided to have a small ceremony of just really close family, but no friends.  Because you know, if we invited John1 we had to invite John2, and if we invited John 2 we had to invite Johns 3 4  and 5.  So we went with just family.  I am an open book if you know me.  If we are close my emotions are never in check.  Sorry friends. :)  But, I am pretty reserved if we aren't super close.  Most of my acquaintances don't really know very much about me.  I am awkward and shy, and get nervous talking about myself.

So..... take this awkward chick, and put her in front of 100 people while she pours her heart out to the love of her life.  WHA????  Oh my god.  Scary.

So we told friends that they weren't invited to the ceremony.  The first was confusion, then disappointment, then it seemed even a little heartache from some of our favorite people who wouldn't get to share this experience with us.  I was shocked!!!!  I gotta admit, it opened my eyes to how this may not be the scariest thing in the world.  I mean, if I cry, everyone else will cry right along with me right?  And if I'm snatty from the crying, someone will have a tissue for me right???  (Right Meghan!!??)  And if I don't get to say all those amazing things that I want to Jared, I've got a lifetime to say them, right?

Well, we decided to take the plunge, and have ALL of our loved ones witness. It took some really good girl talk and some really good wine (a lot of wine!), but in the end it puts a cheesy smile on my face (getting teary now actually) to know that my friends really want to be there.  After all, If I can do it in front of Jared's family that I don't know all that well, I can do it in front of my close friends right? 

The vow part still terrifies me.  I don't know why!  I hope that this fades, and that when it's happening the fear will melt away.

What do you think ladies???  Is this normal?  Any good advice would be greatly appreciated.  Any tips???

HELP!

Trish

25 comments:

  1. Its normal!!! Take a deep breath, & know that whatever happens, it is going to be your day-- all the little imperfections are what makes it perfect. It is what you are doing, not how you do it, that is the important bit-- you are going to be beautiful!!

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    1. Awe, thanks so much Tabetha. I know all of this deep down but... STILL NERVOUS!

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  2. Don't worry. You're normal. I'm a weird one though, because I don't even want a wedding. hehe

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    1. I actually didn't want a wedding either. But Jared did. And now that the ball is rolling I think it's going to be the best day of my life. :)

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  3. Don't worry! People that love you will be at your wedding!
    If it makes you feel less alone... I cried through my entire service. of course, i HAD to blow my nose in the middle of it. Like REALLY bad because snot was trickling onto my upper lip. So in the middle my wedding I paused the pastor walked to the tissue box, tried unsuccessfully to blow all that snot out quietly, and then after standing with a soggy tissue in my hand for a few seconds trying to figure out what the heck to do with it, I tossed it on the church floor. LOL. The whole 30 seconds was sooo gross but it had to be done. It was awkward, yes, but I just giggled and smiled and so did everyone else. They were all so polite about it.
    Just breathe. It will be a wonderful day that you will wish you could relive.

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    1. ha! This is hilarious! And I knew it wasn't just nerves.... I WILL have snat bubbles on my wedding day. A part of my wishes I get a picture of it. :)

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  4. Aw, it's alright! I felt a lot of the same ways you were feeling. I completely understand and know that a lot of things about the wedding seem nerveracking, but everything truly comes together and on that day, the nerves get high, but they seriously all melt away when you are standing and looking at each other. Everyone there just cares about seeing you and everyone is crying or blissfully smiling anyway and they are barely paying attention to the little details, in the end you will be SO HAPPY that everyone you loved was there and that you were able to share it with them. My husband actually picked me up after our vowels and spun me around so hard that my flower wreath fell of and he had to put it back on my head!!! haha, it was so embarrassing but everyone says how perfect it was and everyone laughed and thought it was the best thing ever!! lol. The funny little things are truly what makes it so perfect! You are going to look lovely Trish, and I know it is going to be a wonderful day :)

    ~Alyssa
    www.butterfliesonmars.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm starting to realize that it really is the imperfections that will make the day amazing. You are so sweet. :) Thank you.

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  5. I hadn't thought about all of that until right now and NOW I am nervous! hahahah. I am going to start reading the advice offered in the comments above. ;)However, I think you need to just focus on your partner and your love and let the rest of it fade away for a moment. Just think: It's about us, right here, right now, and that's all that matters. :)

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    1. haha! It's freaky! I know! Guess we both just need to make sure that tissues are on our list.

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  6. Omigosh.. you mean that first part wasn't a TRUE story??! Yet?? haha.. oh my, that sounds horrific and hilarious all at once. Um.. advice. Yah, I hear you on the crow control issue. We had around 200 peeps under tents at our wedding (and I still felt guilt for NOT inviting more.. eep). Granted, the morning of the wedding I was all like "What the HECK.. why aren't we eloping!!!"... and may have told my folks to just 'keep driving' past the wedding spot... lol!.
    But, know this. Whether its 10 people or 10, 000... once you stand at the back of that aisle and look up and lock eyes with your man.. the rest is a merry blur. I was a big sack o' stress up to that moment I saw my guy.. then it all turned giddy/happy/joy fun the rest of the day!!
    You can do it.
    xx
    mel
    needle and nest design

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    1. I know... I'm wondering now why we aren't eloping. ha! Also, I feel SO guilty for only inviting the 80 people on our list. We had it at 70, and wanted to cute more, and somehow it ended up at 80. What??? That's all we can do in the small yard we have though. :)

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  7. That is completely normal and I had the exact same fears. Here's what you do, walk slowly down the aisle, don't look at your family, friends or anyone else besides your man at the end of the aisle, DO NOT wear high heels, make sure your dress is altered so that you won't step on it, and have a bridesmaid with lots of tissues. :) I had all the same fears. And it went wonderfully!

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    1. Well, I don't wear heels higher than 2 inches normally, so I will NOT be wearing them when I walk down the aisle. And my dress is knee length. What am I so freaked out about??? I will be walking on grass though, so I'm thinking flats for sure.

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  8. So happy to hear you go for a grand wedding!
    And thanks so much for your sweet comment!

    Hope you're having a fantastic week,
    -Kati

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  9. Well, I think wedding nerves are normal. It's hard to give advice for maintaining calm without asking a few questions: exactly what time of day is your wedding? Are you guys writing your own vows? Try to avoid coffee if you're sensitive to caffeine. Do NOT drink anything carbonated for a few days before and the day of! But the number one thing I would say is: keep your heels low. Practice wearing your shoes, walking around in them, dancing in them. If you absolutely have to have high heels for the actual ceremony, make sure you have kitten height or lower for the reception. Nothing worse than achy feet on a special day. Also: pick out a small clutch or fancy purse that matches your wedding colors. Put in it: a mirrored powder compact, lip balm, (you'll be doing lots of kissing) lipstick, eye drops, travel tissues and waterproof mascara. Have a close friend/bridesmaid be in charge of carrying said purse. That's all I've got. Hope it helps. :)

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    1. Hey Becky! Guess I haven't given any wedding deets on the bloggy yet huh? Our wedding is at 5PM and we are writing our own vows. Although, there was talk of saying the vows to eachother privately after the ceremony. Aaaaaand I'm a coffee addict. And a soda addict. Uh-oh! I didn't even consider the comfort of the shoes, and the lip balm! Thanks so much for the good tips.

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  10. Good gosh lady. I seriously could've written this post myself. That is me, right there. Let me start by saying that we got married last August. And I'm still alive. Fiew!! I was TERRIFIED of the day-of. I actually saw my therapist to help me out(it didn't help). I seriously thought about it every day until the wedding. Don't get me wrong, I was super excited and happy about the upcoming wedding, but terrified of the public/social aspect. I also won't lie, I took a clonazapam about 2 hours before walking, and also had a glass (or 2) of champagne in the limo on the way there. I know it's hard to believe (especially if you don't know me) but I was not drunk. It helped me. I remember my vows and felt everything. But for someone like me who was scared to pass out (no, seriously) before walking down the aisle and giving a speech to thank everyone, it was the best course of action. I don't regret anything, I did my best and had a fabulous day. I'm so glad we decided to invite everyone. We had about 110 people attend and it was 40 degrees Celcius that day, but the best day of my life.

    It's a very special and amazing day, your friends are good friends to encourage you to not limit yourself due to fear. Best of luck. I know everything will be fabulous!! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to e-mail me.

    Stephanie
    http://sharelovealways.blogspot.ca/

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    1. Stephanie! Lady, I will be definitely be having some boozy courage before I hit that aisle. And I love what you said about not letting fear limit myself. Well said. Thank you, so much.

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  11. oh wow...you'll be fine!!!
    Alright maybe I have no place to speak, since I didn't have a wedding, the two of us just went to the courthouse together and got married after knowing each other for 3 weeks (we're celebrating our 10th anniversary this year :) but I'm pretty sure it's just like childbirth (bare with me on this one!) it's sooo freaking scary and stressful thinking about how the hell you're going to push out a human being, and then it happens and everything else just suddenly doesn't matter anymore, you look at that little baby and EVERYTHING else just disappears (even the pain ;) I imagine that that's how it will be up until you look at him :) the whole day will end up being one big forgotten blurry flash that you can only remember by looking at the pictures and knowing how you felt that day, so you might as well TRY not to stress the little things, and be happy that all of your loved ones will be able to share that feeling with you :)

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    1. ha! It's probably a BIT easier than childbirth. But maybe just as intimidating. And holy cow you got married 3 weeks after you met??? It's pretty romantic that you fell in love that fast at so young and are still together. I'm such a sucker for mushy stuff like that. :)

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    2. haha...I was only 18...NOT recommended!!! Thankfully we both decided to grow up and get over ourselves fast (it took a couple years) and it ended up working out for us :)

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  12. This is totally normal, weddings are super high pressure and confusing. You get engaged and you're all excited about the marriage then like out of nowhere you are confronted with the WEDDING. There are so many potential pitfalls. But just try to make the best of the situation and don't worry about what people think of your red teary eyes. And even if you're super awkward and it goes all wrong and all the bad things you think will happen actually happen, after it is all over you two will be married which is the best thing. Max and I said our personal vows just to each other before we got married. The wedding was for our friends and family, the marriage is all about us.
    Cheers.

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